Tacos and Chocolate Rollerskates

It seems like Pitchfork used to be a lot more creative and nutty, if you will, in their reviews. I remember a series of reviews by one writer where he did them all in the voice of a different off-the-wall character, like the Chiquita banana lady, stuff like that. I guess with their growing readership they've lost that spunk. It'll resurface every once in awhile though, like in this badass review of the new Basement Jaxx single, "Hush Boy".

It was bound to happen sooner or later, the morning you woke up next to a first Jaxx single and you didn't really want to get down with it. Still pretty and sweet-smelling and you'll always want it around, but it would really have to break out the freaky shit to get any sort of rise out of you at this point. The only thing to do really is drink a little wine on Saturday night and let it dance around in that new lingerie to some mid-tempo Earth, Wind & Fire, light some candles, maybe smoke some reefer, and then fall asleep reading Terry McMillan to each other.

And in your pinot dreams, the two of you will float on clouds of sequins, eat tacos out of chocolate rollerskates, and feather each other's hair until the ecstasy overwhelms you. You will embrace it, passionately, and say, "New Basement Jaxx single, I love you as much for the things you do do for me as the things you don't do for me. You are my Xanadu." And it will say, "Hush boy," as its skull rips open, revealing the head of Dikembe Mutombo who yelps, "if you want me for your girlfriend!" And that's when you wake up with a total nightboner.

It's a little hard to tell, but I assume it's a positive review. I mean he gave it 3 stars. Regardless, more Jaxx is always a good thing in my book.